THE DAYS OF decay have arrived on the North Olympic Peninsula.
As things become increasingly darker and damper, it’s only a matter of time before fields of fungi begin popping up from the forest floor.
What comes next, after chanterelles, morels and all manner of mold arrive for their annual takeover of the local terrain?
Well, I think we all know the answer to that: a Peninsula-wide pandemic.
Yes, my dear Peninsulites, I’m talking about the return of “Mushroom Mania: A Fungus Festivus.”
As many of you know by now — and by “many,” I mean at least two dozen people — the simian simpleton pictured above likes to hold an annual fungal photo contest each fall.
And this is no time to break with tradition.
Back for the fourth year in a row, the competition asks contestants to submit their best mushroom shots in three categories to be judged by yours truly (and my special lady).
The winner of each category gets a big sack of cash ($50 each) just in time for the holiday season (or whenever publisher John Brewer actually remembers to mail it).
Oddly enough, the contest has grown on people during the past few years.
Only a small smattering of mycophiles took part in the inaugural event in 2008 (22 photos), but that number has grown with each year from 40 in 2009 to 74 last autumn.
Hopefully, even more will participate this fall.
The rules for the contest are simple (even if they are rarely followed):
■ Edible mushrooms only — This rule does not require that they be appetizing, just that you don’t hallucinate or die upon ingestion.
This might not play well in parts of Port Townsend, but I’ve got legal repercussions to think about.
■ Photo submissions only, please — The newsroom is moldy enough, we don’t need a pile of puffballs making matters even worse.
All photos should be sent to matt.schubert@peninsuladailynews.com.
The deadline for submissions is Nov. 7.
Please don’t forget to include your name, address and phone number.
The categories
■ Biggest mushroom — My roommate always says, “Go big or go home.”
If you honestly think I’m going to have a mushroom contest without honoring the biggest and boldest fungus among us, you don’t know me very well.
Send in a photo of your mushroom next to a ruler that measures in inches.
Keep the metric system where it belongs — on the other side of the border where there are words like “harbour” and “centre.”
■ Mushroom most likely to distract a Twi-Hard (aka prettiest) — I’m asking for the mushroom most likely to inspire a fungal centerfold.
The shroom should be so majestic it would shift a “Twilight” fan’s focus from Edward Cullen to another organism that feeds on the dead and dying.
■ Mushroom most resembling a notable figure — I’m looking for a shroom that looks like Cher, a fungus with the face of Gerald Ford, a mold that matches Michael Jackson.
Please provide a picture of your mushroom and the notable figure in question.
Those uninitiated to the realm of Mushroom Madness may think this a silly request, and it is.
Just know that in the past two years readers have successfully found mushroom matches for Jimmy Durante, Franklin the Turtle, The Beatles and even yours truly.
Try hard enough, and something will emerge.
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Matt Schubert is the outdoors and sports columnist for the Peninsula Daily News. His column regularly appears on Thursdays and Fridays. He can be reached at matt.schubert@peninsuladailynews.com.
