THE SIGNS OF the season are everywhere. The roar of the lawn mower, the stench of burning charcoal and the seasonal spike in gas prices tell us vacation time is here.
Tourists come here from all over the country to clog up our roads. Some of them drive almost as bad as the locals.
It’s at times like these you need an Olympic Peninsula driving guide. The Olympic Peninsula is a peninsula surrounded on three sides by treacherous bodies of water.
Just getting on to the Olympic Peninsula can be a challenge. With long ferry lineups and the frequent surprise closings of the Hood Canal Bridge for one of a fleet of Trident submarines based nearby. Any one of which represents the third-largest nuclear arsenal in the world.
Being the skipper of a Trident submarine carries many responsibilities. One of which is not the consideration of a long line of sweaty tourists trapped on a bridge in dire need of restroom facilities.
You can always avoid the Hood Canal Bridge by taking the ferry to Port Townsend. Unfortunately, this ferry has a suspiciously permanent list that transportation officials have assured us is normal in ships built by the lowest bidder.
You can avoid Port Townsend by driving around Hood Canal on a road that seems to go in circles. The urge to pass is one of man’s most powerful instincts. Even if passing one car will put them behind another car that is behind 25 more, they will pass.
All you can do is maintain course and speed, and pray a deer doesn’t jump out. Fortunately, it is now legal to salvage the meat from road kills.
West of Hood Canal, you will approach Sequim, where massive construction projects are ripping up U.S. Highway 101 to provide fish passage in dry creek beds for imaginary paper salmon.
Sequim is not an Indian word for traffic jam, but it might as well be.
People in Sequim drive around with little dogs in their laps, causing the rest of us to ask, “Please, let the dog drive.”
Seventeen miles west of Sequim, you’ll come to Port Angeles — where it’s 17 miles across the treacherous Strait of Juan de Fuca to scenic Victoria, B.C. It’s 17 miles south of Port Angeles to scenic Hurricane Ridge, and 17 miles west to scenic Lake Crescent.
West of Lake Crescent, you are in logging country, where you may see a road sign that says “Danger falling trees.”
Do not be alarmed. Many loggers can hit a stake with a falling tree, but darned few of us can hit a moving target.
You will encounter log trucks. Do the math. A fully loaded log trucks weighs around 90,000 pounds. You don’t. When you see a log truck in your mirror, pull over and let them pass.
South of Forks, you will encounter the scenic Hoh River bridge.
Voted scariest bridge on the Olympic Peninsula, it seems to have been shrinking like the glaciers on Mount Olympus ever since it was built in 1931.
South of the Hoh River, U.S. Highway 101 snakes its way through mud flows and swamps unencumbered by guard rails until it reaches the Pacific Ocean.
As we approach scenic Lake Quinault, the road seems to sink into two parallel ruts that fill with water when it rains — and it’s always raining. Giving the motorist the unmistakable sensation of hydroplaning that seems to add to the driving adventure.
South of Quinault, you’ll reach Hoqium and Aberdeen, where you’ll want to kiss the ground and have a razor clam fritter.
Congratulations, you’ve driven the Olympic Peninsula.
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Pat Neal is a Hoh River fishing and rafting guide and “wilderness gossip columnist” whose column appears here every Wednesday.
He can be reached at 360-683-9867 or by email via patnealproductions@gmail.com.
