WITH THE RECENT spell of rainy weather, firewood fever has hit the land. It’s time to cut firewood for the winter so it will have a chance to dry before you burn it.
Burning wet wood is a good way to get a chimney fire. A chimney fire is a good way to take the chill off in the morning, but it can burn the house down — so we try to avoid that.
There are few outdoor recreational activities more enjoyable than cutting firewood. The roar of the chainsaw, the heady smell of exhaust and the pull of a sharp chain into soft wood can take you back to a simpler time when loggers ruled the Earth.
Firewood cutters like to argue about what is the best firewood. Some say it’s Douglas fir. Others insist hemlock is the superior fuel, with long-lasting coals and a habit of crackling like popcorn when it’s thrown on the fire.
I don’t care what kind it is as long as it’s dry and in a big pile. As any firewood hoarder knows, there are three types of firewood depending on where you find it. It’s either in the road, above the road or below the road.
For some reason, firewood laying below the road is the best. It seems to get better the farther below the road you get. How you get the downhill wood up on the road is your business. It usually involves rigging, pain and hard labor.
Firewood laying in the road is our first choice, but these opportunities are soon exhausted.
Then there’s firewood above the road, where gravity is your friend. Throwing rounds of firewood down a cut-bank on a logging road can be one of the more challenging outdoor sports on the Olympic Peninsula.
To launch a wooden wheel down the steep embankment, staring with child-like wonder as it bounces down the hill, gathering speed until it slams into the side of your truck is one of the greatest thrills of nature.
Often, a few raps with some common firewood-cutting tools like a splitting maul or an ax applied with a practiced eye can easily repair minor damage to your truck and restore that showroom finish.
Then again, if you were worried about how your truck looked, you wouldn’t be using it to haul firewood in the first place.
More extensive damage to your vehicle that renders it undriveable is always a possibility.
Finding a fender bashed against a wheel can challenge your problem-solving skills. This often can be fixed with the aid of a peavy. It’s a logger version of a medieval pike, with a wicked hook near the end that can be used to pry most anything apart once you get ahold of it.
Firewood cutters like to argue over what’s the best brand of chainsaw to cut firewood.
Anything beats a misery whip. Also known as the “Swedish Fiddle,” it’s like a hand saw on steroids with big gnarly teeth and a handle on each end.
Using a misery whip is an art, science and torture all rolled into one.
It teaches teamwork, exhaustion and loathing for the person on the other end of the saw. The only thing worse than a two-man misery whip is the one-handled version, where you have no one to blame but yourself.
Just be glad if you have a chainsaw. Unless you have an accident.
Read all safety instructions, especially the ones that mention dismemberment and death.
Then, when adding up the medical bills and damage to your truck, you’ll know why firewood costs so much.
_________
Pat Neal is a Hoh River fishing and rafting guide and “wilderness gossip columnist” whose column appears here every Wednesday.
He can be reached at 360-683-9867 or by email via patnealproductions@gmail.com.
