WHY CAN’T CHRISTMAS last all year? You’d better be glad that it doesn’t.
Christmas can be very dangerous, starting with putting up the Christmas decorations!
The Consumer Product Safety Commission’s National Electronic Injury Surveillance System, which collects data on injuries related to consumer products or poisonings, revealed that between the years 2013 and 2022, about 18,400 people included a visit to the emergency room as a part of their Christmas celebration to treat broken bones, cuts and burns that they got from decorating.
Predictably, the most popular days for Christmas decoration casualties are the Sunday after Thanksgiving, when we put the decorations up, and after New Year’s, when we take the decorations down.
Middle-age adults who fall while decorating and toddlers who swallow the decorations comprise the majority of the victims.
Once the Christmas decorations are up, it’s time to put up the Christmas tree. You have two choices.
Cutting a live Christmas tree robs our planet of its ability to deal with climate change, while a fake tree increases our dependence on fossil fuels. Either way, this pagan fertility symbol has been described by firefighters as “a bomb in the middle of your house” that, according to the National Fire Protection Association, causes an average of 155 house fires, four deaths and $15 million in property damage every year.
Once the tree is up, you’ll want to get some toys under it.
Hopefully, Santa didn’t leave any of the 2 million dangerous toys seized by the government every year — but even unwrapping a Christmas gift can be dangerous.
An average of 6,000 people a year go to the emergency room as the result of a psychotic condition known as “wrap rage,” where people injure themselves trying to open hard plastic packages.
Many will not like the gift they unwrapped anyway. They will return it.
ABC News reported that just shipping the 5.8 billion pounds of returned gifts to landfills will emit 16 million metric tons of carbon dioxide.
Then, we throw the wrapping away — with the rest of the 5 million tons of Christmas garbage, producing 885,000 tons of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases.
Christmas is also a time to relax with dysfunctional family members and seasonally depressed friends where the holiday stress, money pressures and increased alcohol consumption produces a seasonal rise in domestic violence.
Still got sugar plums dancing in your head? Sugar and refined carbohydrates are linked to diabetes and heart disease.
Researchers around the world have come to the conclusion that the consumption of refined sugar is detrimental to the health of people without chronic conditions and disastrous for those suffering from them.
Then it’s time for Christmas dinner.
Each year, Americans kill 22 million turkeys for Christmas. Our turkeys are raised on inhumane factory farms in overcrowded conditions that could produce viruses such as bird flu that have the potential to endanger human populations.
Although turkey contains a natural sedative called tryptophan, the chemical doesn’t have a large effect.
That “food coma” you experience is the result of your body working overtime to digest all the food you ate with the turkey.
A study conducted by the National Institutes of Health found that the average person’s weight gain during the holidays is just over 1 pound.
Sounds harmless, but the researchers found that the extra holiday weight was still present a year later on 85 percent of study participants. Gaining 1 extra pound each year can add up significantly.
Christmas can be hazardous to your health, but it is survivable.
Shop local, buy American and thank God Christmas doesn’t last all year.
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Pat Neal is a Hoh River fishing and rafting guide and “wilderness gossip columnist” whose column appears here every Wednesday.
He can be reached at 360-683-9867 or by email via patnealproductions@gmail.com.
