DURHAM, N.C. — Shucks. Chattanooga beat us again.
This time, though, it was a decidedly dubious achievement.
While the RoadSnacks.net website, which says it shows browsers “the real side of places,” rates Port Angeles the sixth worst city in the state, it ranks Chattanooga the fifth worst in the nation.
Chattanooga, you’ll remember, won Outside magazine’s “Best Town Ever” contest last spring, with Port Angeles finishing second in the nationwide Web-based balloting, 67,432 votes to 62,130.
The contest, in which Port Angeles bested Bainbridge Island; Santa Barbara, Calif.; Flagstaff, Ariz.; and Bar Harbor, Maine, on its way to the final round in the NCAA-style elimination, galvanized the city into polishing its self-image.
If it’s any consolation, Port Angeles again beat Bainbridge Island, which the RoadSnacks website of Durham, N.C., ranked as the 10th worst city in the state even while rating it the eighth snobbiest.
High crime, low jobs
According to RoadSnacks’ rankings at http://tinyurl.com/PDN-worstplacesinstate, Port Angeles won among the losers for its crime, unemployment (7.8 percent as of July, according to the state Employment Security Department) and housing-vacancy rates (9.83 percent as of June 2014).
Still, “it’s not all bad news in Port Angeles,” RoadSnacks said in the list posted in May.
“It actually ranks highest in the state for Comfort Index (a BestPlaces.net index based on temperature, rain and humidity). The views across the water and of the mountains probably don’t hurt the comfort index either.”
As for Bainbridge Island, RoadSnacks kvetched, it’s “in the middle of nowhere and has the second-worst commute in the state.”
RoadSnacks says its “winners” have one thing in common: poor economies.
Here are the other Washington cities that top the bottom, with comments:
1. Centralia: “The mix of extremely high unemployment and crime is a winning combination to end up high on our list of worst places to live. Centralia resides in the worst 10 percent of both categories.”
2. Bremerton: Unemployment and crime are “in the bottom 20 percent of places in Washington.”
3. Kelso: Except for commuting time, Kelso “scored poorly across the board.”
4. Port Orchard: High crime rate and high vacancy rate.
5. Aberdeen: “Known as the ‘Gateway to the Olympic Peninsula’ it seems as if the nickname might want to add ‘Gateway to high unemployment’ as it ranks dead last in the State.”
7. Longview: “High unemployment rate and slightly below average marks in everything else . . . Not to mention it’s the home to Nutty Narrows Bridge, one of the few bridges made only for squirrels. Yep, that’s a real thing and totally fitting for this list.”
8. Parkland: In the bottom half of the cities with 10,000 or more people that RoadSnacks surveyed. What’s worse, it’s next to Lakewood.
9. Lakewood: “One of the highest crime rates in Washington.” What’s worse, it’s next to Parkland.
Rednecks and snobs
Meanwhile, the website also ranks the 10 “most redneck” cities in the state, topped by Chelan and followed by Shelton, Montesano, Zillah, Woodland, Colville, Moses Lake, Aberdeen, Burlington and Omak.
Then there are RoadSnacks’ 10 “snobbiest”: Woodinville, Issaquah, Redmond, Bellevue, Kirkland, Seattle, Gig Harbor, Bainbridge Island, Snoqualmie and Mercer Island.
Nowhere does RoadSnacks mention rivers, beaches, mountains, forests, restaurants, wildlife, Sasquatch or how often the phrase “God’s country” occurs in people’s daily conversations.
Sigh.
But RoadSnacks is where to turn to learn what’s the “drunkest city” in Michigan (Traverse City) and the town in Wisconsin with the most Ashley Madison accounts (Altoona, which we thought was in Pennsylvania but just goes to show you can learn anything almost anywhere).
To reassure you, a city named Altoona remains in Pennsylvania. The Wisconsin version is a suburb of Eau Claire, which is where you wake up if you sleep your way through Minneapolis on Interstate 94.
As for the 10 worst places in the country, Macon, Ga., holds No. 1, followed by Jackson, Miss.; Detroit; and Knoxville, Tenn.
More about No. 5 Chattanooga in a minute.
Receiving sixth-worst honors was Rockford, Ill., followed by Savannah, Ga.; Memphis, Tenn.; Mobile, Ala.; and Springfield, Mo.
Chattanooga and PA
As for Chattanooga, which Outside called “the love child of Nashville and Silicon Valley,” RoadSnacks bleats, “Crime is really high, schools are poorly funded, and home prices are some of the lowest in the nation ($109,700, according to BestPlaces, vs. $159,000 in Port Angeles).”
Affordable housing is bad? Whatever.
“The average family brings in just over $42,000 a year,” RoadSnacks carps at http://tinyurl.com/PDN-worstinnation, which was posted in September.
Sheesh, guys, median family income was just $41,157 in Port Angeles in 2014, according to BestPlaces, but who’s counting?
RoadSnacks also lists the 10 worst places to live in nine more states from Hawaii to Delaware, Alaska to Kentucky.
The website says it uses FBI crime data, the government census, Bureau of Labor Statistics and Sperling’s Best Places and checks population density — lower being worse since RoadSnacks interprets smaller places as having less to do — unemployment, income, housing vacancy rate, education expenditures per student and student-teacher ratios and crime.
Rants and pants
As for its “worst” Washington rankings, “this list is a scientific analysis based on real data and is completely unbiased,” RoadSnacks boasts, then warns: “Hold on to your pants.”
The folks from Outside magazine saw it differently:
“Situated on the northern shore of Washington’s Olympic Peninsula, Port Angeles is a gateway to Olympic National Park.
“Because of the dramatic relief — the peaks rise to over 5,000 feet within a few miles of the coast — the area hosts diverse ecosystems, including alpine environments studded with lakes, ultragreen old-growth forests threaded with whitewater rivers, and bays that harbor orcas and steelhead.. . .
“Port Angeles isn’t big, but as this year’s ‘Best Towns’ showing demonstrates, it can compete with just about anyplace.”
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Reporter James Casey can be reached at 360-452-2345, ext. 5074, or at jcasey@peninsuladailynews.com.
