PORT TOWNSEND — They’re popping up all over the world: Death Cafes, “death over drinks,” “death over dinner” parties.
“We’re trying to normalize death. It’s going to happen to 100 percent of us,” said Sarah Seltzer, cofounder of the Dying Matters Guild and cohost of a slate of activities this weekend.
Two days of events, collectively titled “Death, Grief & Ancestors,” are open to the public at the Cotton Building, 607 Water St. in Port Townsend, with free admission.
A community altar filled with mementos, an exhibit by local artists, a silent auction and plain old human connection await, said co-organizer Carrie Andrews.
An independent patient advocate and advance care planner in Port Townsend, Andrews worked with colleagues Seltzer, Rhonda Hull and Sarafina Landis to form the nonprofit Dying Matters Guild (dyingmattersguild.com) earlier this year. Together with Strait Up magazine, they will host a variety of interactive experiences:
Saturday
• Noon to 8 p.m. — The public is invited to bring items — pictures, poems, mementos — for the community altar. Items with contact information on them will be returned after the exhibit closes Sunday evening.
The “Death, Grief & Ancestors” exhibition will be on display, with art by Velda Thomas, Martha Worthley, Loran Scruggs, Maureen Walrath, Sarafina Landis, Gloria Lamson, Jen Hauser, Earthen Watson, Dinah Dinova, Alexandra Ephtimia Athena Anagnostopoulos, Anya Callahan, Adam Karagas and Heidi Tucker.
A silent auction — including artwork, gift certificates for a consultation with a death doula or an advance care planner, and books from Imprint Books — is open, with proceeds to benefit the work of the Dying Matters Guild.
• 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. — Strait Up magazine contributors will give readings during the Issue 6 pre-release celebration.
Sunday
• 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. — Visitors are encouraged to bring items for the community altar, which will stay up until 5 p.m. The benefit silent auction also will continue.
• 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. — A death cafe — a discussion group for any death- or grief-related topics — especially for Black and indigenous people and other people of color, will be hosted by Oceana Sawyer.
• 12:30 p.m. — A meditation open to all.
• 2 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. — An all-community death cafe will be hosted by Sarah Seltzer.
While the public is invited to participate in Sunday’s death cafes, the Cotton Building will not be open to non-participants while those sessions are going on, Andrews said.
Death cafes began about a decade ago as informal gatherings during which people could simply get together and talk — no agenda, she said. Such open-ended conversations about death- and dying-related things can help smooth away the fear around the topic, she said.
To join the cafe, “you just show up,” she said.
Before the pandemic, Andrews hosted “death over drinks” get-togethers at Manresa Castle. She has since taken them online every third Thursday of the month; information is available by emailing Andrews at carrie@olympus.net.
“It’s really neat to see how young people are getting involved,” she said, adding the planners of this weekend’s activities range from their 30s on up.
Sawyer, a death doula, felt strongly about offering a death cafe dedicated to the BIPOC community. People of color may have traditions and cultural expectations around death that differ from those of white people, Andrews said.
The weekend is all about expanding the conversation, she said — not only verbally, but also through the art show and the community altar, where each contributor’s form of expression is welcome.
“Saturday will be more open for walking through,” added art exhibit organizer Heidi Tucker, “while Sunday has more programming. Hopefully this is the first of many,” she said.
For Andrews, all of this thinking about dying makes her more mindful of how she’s living. One of the questions that has come up: “Am I really appreciating this day?”
Death is “the thing we have in common across all humanity,” she added.
“It is a completely universal experience.”
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Jefferson County senior reporter Diane Urbani de la Paz can be reached at 360-417-3509 or durbanidelapaz@peninsuladailynews.com.
