IT’S A LOVELY season, isn’t it?
It kind of makes you … think.
I know a guy — well, actually, I’ve known him for a quite a while — well, actually, he’s a friend, but there’s a problem with that.
The problem is that this guy who, in many ways, looks a lot like me, believes and represents almost everything that I find repugnant.
You name it: political, socio-political, cultural, philosophical, economical — whatever — you name it, we disagree on it, by a lot.
As I’ve told him, I find it reprehensible that he wasn’t set adrift at birth, sparing the rest of us the head-shaking frustration of having to even deal with his … personality.
And, obviously, there are multiple names and labels that could be applied, and categories into which he could accurately be placed that would relegate him to his deserved status of less than human.
The problem is that he’s a friend.
The reason that he’s a friend is that — for years — I’ve watched him behave as a genuinely decent human being: He’s generous, quick to help anybody with anything, friendly, courteous, clever, sympathetic and (believe it or not) empathetic.
He’s a nice guy.
He’s just wrong — horribly and consistently wrong.
And therein lies the problem because he is, obviously, a this and a that and a this, how can he be such a decent human being?
And that’s what I have to think about at this lovely season.
I think bigotry is a hard thing. Sure, it’s easy when it’s applied to an amorphous group of people that we don’t know, and we all know that “bigotry” is something that they do, not us — not me — but when it’s me? Absolutely not. Except, maybe.
Is it still bigotry when I’m right?
After all, they are wrong, so what else could we expect? But, when it’s me? No, I have good reasons.
Maybe you do, too.
Maybe it’s because they are so different or so weird looking, etc.
They don’t look the same, act the same, talk the same, believe the same, dress the same or …
They are them.
Until they are replaced by someone you come to know and maybe come to respect or even come to like, then he or she isn’t them, anymore — they become an individual. With a name.
A whole, entire human being, with hopes, fears, dreams, victories, failures, problems, loves and birthdays.
… Hmm …
So, now I’m thinking and I’m thinking about another guy I’ve known for quite a while.
He believes, espouses and embraces every single position, tenet and value that I do.
We are 100 percent in agreement. Obviously, he’s right.
He’s also a jerk.
Well, OK, perhaps that’s a bit judgmental, unseemly in this lovely season.
Let’s just say that, based on behavior that I’ve observed throughout the years, I’d prefer to hang out with a floor lamp.
This whole thing gets very confusing.
So, as long as they are anonymous and (preferably) distant, all those labels that someone else, the media or some political-type taught me readily apply. But when they become an individual — someone I actually know — they seem to fall apart.
Which, I suppose, is the point of all this seasonal musing: A realization of the unstartling fact that most humans are a lot more alike than we are different.
We converge much more than we diverge — if we’ll allow it.
Someday when I grow up I hope to be someone who draws my conclusions based on who you are and what you do, not your demographic, color, gender, religion, accent or preference in pizza.
You. The individual. The one I’m looking at.
The one who’s looking back, probably thinking a lot of the same things: Do I fit the image of what he or she has been brainwashed to believe about people like me?
… Hmm …
I’m not a this or a that or even a this. I’m Mark. Don’t you see that?
Don’t I see that?
When I was younger, maybe I didn’t have the flexibility in my fragile ego, the room in my brain or the space in my soul to think what I’m thinking.
But now, at this age and during this lovely season, maybe I do.
Maybe humility is the gift and pronouns are the enemy.
I’ll have to think about that during this season of light.
I wish you love.
________
Mark Harvey is director of Clallam/Jefferson Senior Information & Assistance, which operates through the Olympic Area Agency on Aging. He is also a member of the Community Advocates for Rural Elders partnership. He can be reached at 360-452-3221 (Port Angeles-Sequim), 360-385-2552 (Jefferson County) or 360-374-9496 (West End), or by emailing harvemb@dshs.wa.gov.
